INSECURITY. Now I know what the term is.

It has been really a great first semester for me as a teacher and as a class adviser. My students are participating well, and been really friendly – an overkill. If you have read my post entitled “Hate”, you’ll probably had the slightest idea why this post will go round-about with that one.

Anyway, sometimes, I wonder if I a ‘good’ teacher. I am not expecting to be the “great” teacher that I envisioned myself to be. That would be so “hambog” on my part. Still, part of me wants to get that insecurity out, part wants it to stay – to challenge me always: to be better.

BRIDGET. The class that I adore or hate?

Everyone says, that Bridget is the most behave, quiet class – and I’m proud of it. I have already made this point in one of my previous post. But if you know me personally, I am not the type of person who would be satisfied with whats being served. I want more, I want the best, I want those that will impress everybody – kahit ng mga di nakakakilala. That means I am not easily satisfied with what they are showing. I have already pointed this one out as early as June, they are passive.

Now, not only passive, but also non-existent, boring and lifeless class that would not act if addressed as whole, so better make a mental note to your self if you need them to things for you, address them personally – individually.

Okay, that was exaggerated – but you get the general view of the class. I have some students that participates well, some are responsible, and some are life of the class – but not enough life that would make the class more alive and kicking ass.

Still, some of them may not enjoy me as their adviser, but from time-to-time, they will have to work with me, and to their classmate.

This is where I usually get some “dead points”, the class and I are both thinking how to make the class lively, during these times, I am sticking to my lesson outline, therefore, I give this class a straightforward, boring, and less-participative lessons, whereas if I give lesson to other class, I can joke things that would make them all on their knees – like Juday-ism.

Back to my first assessment to them: Generally peaceful, but needs a little encouragement, while no big clashes that happened — yet, no anecdotal records, and negative commentaries from their subject-teachers, there isn’t much fuss about them too. But being a peaceful class does not mean a good class. They should have shown their preferences months ago.

PLUS. Commentaries about other sections:

Aniello. Good class participation, class atmosphere and everything, expect, of course for those pasaway students like Winston Bonsol and Julian Nones. Bryan, Mika and Lizzie always makes me smile big time.

Leonard. Still very good class standing, although some would fail me. The best of the best, the cream of the crops (Katrina, Veronica, Jason and the others.) I just hope they would not get infested with the virus that some had acquired “already”. Casualty: 2

Margaret. The hyperactive class where I could get a lesson stretch for days because of the so-many side comments that we have for each other, like a lot of laughs, questions and some tell-offs. But I appreciate this class – very lively .

Veronica. If I have a class to look forward to, its this class. Sadly, we never meet every Mondays, that would make the start of my week with a lot of fun. The likes of Ruel, Excel, Jomar, JP, Juancho, Saulog, Sota, and others.

Dear Students,

Isang makasaysayang araw!

For more than nine months, we greet each other with this same greeting. We do not discover that each day, we create our own history. What happened everyday are all episodes – episodes of our personal history. Yet – we repeat our mistakes. We do not reflect that history expect us not to do it.

One lesson that I would like to impart with you is that, history do not repeat itself. We cannot recreate what happened, restore our relationships, repair our wrong doings, and so therefore we must use our precious time to fulfill our dreams, perform our duty and achieve our greatness

As a teacher, I tried to teach lessons to reach more than what is in the book. It is called life lessons – these things that guide us from what is right and what is wrong.

According to an Arabian proverb: “A fool may be known by five things: anger, without cause; change, without progress; speech, without profit; inquiry, without object; putting trust in a stranger, and mistaking foes for friends.”

Let us track these six things through the history of our class.

Anger, without Cause.

We saw how the relationships grow, and yet it stumbles back because of the things that we do and say, and include our emotions taking over our mind. This is what we learned in “The YM Evidence”. Sometimes, even though we are very angry, we must think that there must be some reason. If ever that you Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. The things is – when one is angry, we get too much emotional, thus believing ourselves that we are doing what we think is right. We do not think of the consequences.

Change, without Progress.

After I gave your first ever quiz, I asked you why most of you failed. Some answered because “sanay sa style ni Sir Emer”. This is the first time that I would publicly acknowledge that I hate being compared with Sir Emer – the great, the best and the funniest. But I realized after some time, we must all come to sense that we change, that the only permanent thing in this world is change. Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn’t know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong.

Putting Trust in a Stranger.

In the episode “Hunt for the Sneaky Rat”, where we learned one lesson: TRUST. It is one thing that we should treasure. You should never forsake the trust that your friend gives. It is always hard to earn. Do not put your trust in a bad companion nor even trust an ordinary friend, for if he should get angry with you, he may bring all your secrets to light.

Speech, without Profit.

In a prelude to the previous episode “Chu-Chu Train”, we learned that making a statement that would hurt others is beneficial to no one. In this episode, we saw a bizarre twist, a plot that nobody knew would come. But beyond that twist, within that event, we learn that we must speak only if we can use it for good purpose and intention, because is speech is power: use it to persuade, to convert, to compel.

Mistaking Foes for Friends.

In most days, the boys would be mocking and making fun of each other or listening to music, meanwhile the girl are chatting to each other, and using cell phone and make-up. But the glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it’s the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend. Never put down your friend, for your friend will be your ultimate treasure.

There, we have gone back in time. We have tracked our time. There may be more stories to tell, more episodes have passed, and more memories to share. We may never tell all, but we may share it with each other again, some time, when we see each other again.

I always fear change. But the follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity. The key to change… is to let go of fear.

But before we swerve on our different paths, let me just stress my thoughts that I would like to impart to you. First, a big THANK YOU! Thank you for all the things you’ve done for me, and for yourselves. It’s been ten months that we’ve been together. We discover the uniqueness within us. Thank you for the problems, pressures, indolency, and heartaches you’ve given me. Thank you also for being a good friend, for the camaraderie, laughs, and smiles to me. Always remember that even if I will no longer be your teacher, I can always offer my shoulder whenever you would like to lean on it. Like I had said to some, “Ang problema, hindi dapat sinasarili, dapat inilalabas”.

Second, SORRY for all the things that might have hurt you. I may never be a perfect teacher, because I am not a perfect person. I might have been unreasonable, and unruly at times; I might have shouted, and affronted some of you, but that is one way of teaching. And I will still do that even after years of teaching. That is because I care and concerned for you well-being.

Third, I will surely miss everyone! The smiles and frowns, whispering and shouting, jokes followed by sweet laughter, the tears of joy and disappointment, and of course, the endless after-dismissal talks in Bridget, or in our corridors.

Lastly, I would like to say that I am very PROUD of you, and your batch. Your faces will never be the same again, but the person that I have known will be in my heart. I have been a part of your life, and you in mine. You will carry not only my name as your teacher, but my heart that I have poured unto you. If after ten years, you will become one of the respected lawyer, doctor or anybody, proudly I will say, THAT IS MY STUDENT! If, after the years, you failed, I will be the saddest person. I will come back and finish what I have started, because I know that I have never finished what I need to finish. If you fail, mine is not only double, but more than what we can count.

Bridget, even though we’ve changed and we’re all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we’ll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much, to the point where we’re still friends.

You have been precious to me. Nothing will replace you in my heart, for you have been my first batch of students. Sa lahat ng pasakit, problema, sakit ng puso, at lahat-lahat, hindi ko pinagsisisihan na kayo ang naging estudyante ko. One more thing, if ever we see each other, in school, or in any other place in this world, I would appreciate a smile and a simple Hello! from you, because that is the same thing I would do.

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.

INSECURITY. Now I know what the term is.

It has been really a great first semester for me as a teacher and as a class adviser. My students are participating well, and been really friendly – an overkill. If you have read my post entitled “Hate”, you’ll probably had the slightest idea why this post will go round-about with that one.

Anyway, sometimes, I wonder if I a ‘good’ teacher. I am not expecting to be the “great” teacher that I envisioned myself to be. That would be so “hambog” on my part. Still, part of me wants to get that insecurity out, part wants it to stay – to challenge me always: to be better.

BRIDGET. The class that I adore or hate?

Everyone says, that Bridget is the most behave, quiet class – and I’m proud of it. I have already made this point in one of my previous post. But if you know me personally, I am not the type of person who would be satisfied with whats being served. I want more, I want the best, I want those that will impress everybody – kahit ng mga di nakakakilala. That means I am not easily satisfied with what they are showing. I have already pointed this one out as early as June, they are passive.

Now, not only passive, but also non-existent, boring and lifeless class that would not act if addressed as whole, so better make a mental note to your self if you need them to things for you, address them personally – individually.

Okay, that was exaggerated – but you get the general view of the class. I have some students that participates well, some are responsible, and some are life of the class – but not enough life that would make the class more alive and kicking ass.

Still, some of them may not enjoy me as their adviser, but from time-to-time, they will have to work with me, and to their classmate.

This is where I usually get some “dead points”, the class and I are both thinking how to make the class lively, during these times, I am sticking to my lesson outline, therefore, I give this class a straightforward, boring, and less-participative lessons, whereas if I give lesson to other class, I can joke things that would make them all on their knees – like Juday-ism.

Back to my first assessment to them: Generally peaceful, but needs a little encouragement, while no big clashes that happened — yet, no anecdotal records, and negative commentaries from their subject-teachers, there isn’t much fuss about them too. But being a peaceful class does not mean a good class. They should have shown their preferences months ago.

PLUS. Commentaries about other sections:

Aniello. Good class participation, class atmosphere and everything, expect, of course for those pasaway students like Winston Bonsol and Julian Nones. Bryan, Mika and Lizzie always makes me smile big time.

Leonard. Still very good class standing, although some would fail me. The best of the best, the cream of the crops (Katrina, Veronica, Jason and the others.) I just hope they would not get infested with the virus that some had acquired “already”. Casualty: 2

Margaret. The hyperactive class where I could get a lesson stretch for days because of the so-many side comments that we have for each other, like a lot of laughs, questions and some tell-offs. But I appreciate this class – very lively .

Veronica. If I have a class to look forward to, its this class. Sadly, we never meet every Mondays, that would make the start of my week with a lot of fun. The likes of Ruel, Excel, Jomar, JP, Juancho, Saulog, Sota, and others.

Maybe I am too emotional, but I am way too much affected with my students’ joys and problems. This is an advantage of a fresh graduate, “immature” teacher. Ehem, excuse me…Now, I have two students, who I can say, is the closest to personality. I tend to see myself in them, a similarity that I cannot shrug off easily. One very bright student, but does not have focus on his/her work. The other, a student who needs academic help. The two of them, and their classmates are spoiled in my classes. That is a simple advantage of having a teacher, who understands them, having just graduated from college, and still very “immature”. There are times that people tend to see themselves in others.Back to these two, I am well aware that I do have “sort of favoritism”. I, myself, is a confessed teacher’s pet since my kindergarten days. But as much as possible, I avoid that. From my experience, it is not good, and is unhealthy for the student’s social development.

The first one, a very bright, yet challenging one. I can understand why he/she is acting such a child, because he/she is still a child, but that doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t need focus right now. He/She may well be in the running for the Honor List of their batch this year, but this is still unconfirmed. If he/she will continue what he/she is doing this quarter, he/she will definitely be out of the running for the list. I actually defended this one to got the required grade that will make him/her a candidate, but depends on negotiations.

Once, we talked about his/her problem. I didn’t have any intention to blurt out my emotions, but I just can’t help to shred a tear while talking to this one. Luckily, he/she didn’t notice that I just became teary-eyed.

While the other, as I have said, needs help, academically, that is. I can describe this student to be reserved, needs much attention and care. I can see that his/her case is sensitive. His/her mother personally asked me (?!?!) to look after him/her during school hours.

One of my co-teacher, a senior one, advised me not to attach myself to my students, after see me crying because of my student/s. I cannot help myself being too attach to my students, because, basically, I can see myself as a student too. A student that is learning, not the lessons inside the classroom, but the lessons of life, an over-used excuse for those who always wanted an answer in his questions that has no definite answers.

God knows how I love my students, but pushing them to be their best did not perceived to be the best solution to some problems that the people don’t want to solve anyway.

Lesson Learned: Teachers like to push, but students hate it. Teachers are just mere guide for student’s success, we do not create their successes for them.

Note for my students who are actually reading this blog: This is a personal blog (online journal), any commentaries I give / post here is for personal usage only.

It has been two months since I handled Bridget. I had received rather lot of feedbacks from other teachers, about the way I handle them.Normal teacher-student relationship, is what you can call my status with my advisory class. It is barely the end of the First Quarter, and I am pushing myself to my students. ‘Was it correct?’, I ask my self. ‘Was it ethical?’ Maybe, I am too used to ethics, so I can’t connect myself to them, or them to me. ‘So, was it me?’. I wish not.

Sure. Sometimes, I get mad with them, again, it is normal. But I am trying to configure what would be the best way to handle 43 students with 7 years gap from me. I may not be the ‘best’ adviser, but I am giving my best for them. But being so perfectionist, my best would never be enough for me. Would it be for them? I wish.

Sometimes, what I could transcribe to be my ‘best’ turns out to become a negative feedback to them. Take for an instance, I caught them playing with chalks. Almost half of the class admitted to that. I did not point out each student, but I generalized. I just let my students stay if they feel they are guilty.

Anyway, to make the story short: I had written a remark to their diary, lifting my previous sanction of 1 month clean-up for those who are guilty. One student remark in a friendster account:

Posted 26/07/2007 05:30

hahahaha!! ptawa kya pang bata lng ung remarks e noh?? hahahahaha!! PUT…. n joallen escartin n yn!! hahahahaha!!

and this one:

Posted 26/07/2007 05:59

.*.kapatid.*.
hahahaha!! TAMAhhhhhhh hahahahah!! wawa n us.. nsulatan p tloy kme ng remarks n png priskul hahahaha!!

From the one that posted this comment, I was advised by his/her former teacher that I should look closely into his/her behavior. To say that his/her behavior may come to worst, I don’t know, but from what I observe in my class, she is quiet — apparently. But I learned, outside shell should not be the basis. You know what I mean.

Some of them may not enjoy me as their adviser, but from time-to-time, they will have to work with me. I may not replace the status of their former adviser’s importance to them (neither their former A.P. I teacher; btw, we were modestly and frequently compared), because I don’t have any intention, and I don’t want to replace them in their student’s heart.

Again, I may not be their ‘best adviser’, but I want to be one of their friend. Seriously.